


Snazirafather (Snake Azirafather)

by NortheasternWind



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Family, Fluff, Gen, snakes making boohoo cry noises but not crying because snakes don't do that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:27:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22763974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NortheasternWind/pseuds/NortheasternWind
Summary: Aziraphale is sad and tired of not being able to understand his children. And also not being able to relate to snake things. Therefore...
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 168
Collections: Wiggleverse





	Snazirafather (Snake Azirafather)

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for months but Ked went and finished theirs first and now I am YELL
> 
> Much of this was hastily thrown together so I can be less embarrassed about it, thank you Ked so much for encouraging me to finish this kdhfsjdhfgjh enjoy maybe

Aziraphale has to admit, there’s something slightly funny about the fact that he can hear Crowley’s voice and not the children’s.

That in itself isn’t anything humorous; it’s the effect it has on his perception of them that’s amusing. Crowley has arguments with five very expressive, but utterly silent snakes, and their little game of charades every time they must explain something to Aziraphale is endearing. It’s not so bad, not being able to understand them: Crowley is here to translate, and watching his children wordlessly wiggle about the bookshop in their curiosity is generally enough to satisfy his longing.

But some days it isn’t.

Today Crowley is also a snake: they’d decided not to give the children any reason to believe it was somehow bad or shameful to be a snake, so he makes an effort to spend time with them in his snake form as well. There is much excited hissing, and climbing into Crowley’s mouth despite his protests, and touching of noses, and though they all look so happy Aziraphale suddenly finds himself feeling a little left out.

That is not his right. The children live in his home; they knew Aziraphale before Crowley even knew they existed. But oh, how he wishes...

“Alright,” Crowley says, “Everyone on the Dad Bus. Where are we headed today?”

With enthusiastic hisses the children clamber up onto Crowley’s back, draping themselves across him with their tongues flicking excitedly.

“The stairs? Alright, kiddos, we’ll give it a shot. Hang on tight, yeah?”

Aziraphale watches as Crowley slithers away towards the stairs with their children in tow, trying to make his ascent as gradual as possible. He wonders how the children feel: if they are egging him on faster, or asking for him to go slower, or simply enjoying the ride…

He slumps a little in his armchair, looking down into his cocoa. It makes sense that Crowley can hear them where he cannot. They are snakes. Crowley is a snake.

...But…

Aziraphale frowns, and sets his cocoa aside. He has transformed into animals before, and usually he does not gain any further understanding of any languages he does not already know. But perhaps the children are not speaking a language of their own. Perhaps if he simply learns how to listen, then…

His stomach thins, and then lengthens. He tries to fuse his feet together to form a tail, but finds instead that he now has two tails, and must banish the unnecessary one— wouldn’t want to frighten anyone, after all. He doesn’t consciously think about it, but once he is long and thin and no longer human-shaped Aziraphale finds that he’s given his scales a speckled white-tan color, to match his hair and clothes. Perfect for being recognized.

He slithers off the seat and onto the floor, flicking his tongue out curiously. Oh— a bit of a musty scent, but not unpleasant. Ah, he can still taste the cocoa...

“Crowley?” he calls out, in his strange snake-voice. It doesn’t feel exactly like speaking the way a human does, but neither is it like listening to the voice of an angel. Hm...

Six heads look over curiously; five let out surprisingly high-pitched squeals considering they shouldn’t be able to make much noise at all. With cries of delight (that Aziraphale can hear!) they rush over, climbing onto any stretch of his body they can reach.

“Azirafather!

“You didn’t tell us you could also be a snake!”

“Why didn’t you do it before?”

“Can I see your teeth?”

Aziraphale can’t shed tears in this form, but he feels the familiar tickle in his lidless eyes all the same. Azirafather. He might actually cry. He’s a father.

“Oh… Oh, you’re all so beautiful up close…!”

“You’re just like me!” Eve cries, draping herself over his nose. “Like how the others look like Father!”

Aziraphale’s not-really-a-voice trembles with emotion as he answers. “Yes— when I willed you darlings into existence, I…”

He had wished, had hoped— but he doesn’t get to explain, because the children squeal and hiss with joy.

“You can hear us!”

“You can hear us!” Scarlet cries. “Azirafather, we love you!”

“Oh! I love you, Azirafather!”

“I love you!”

Their voices are distinct, even if Aziraphale doesn’t yet know which voice belongs to whom. They all call him Azirafather, and declare their love in more than just projected emotions. He had known they were like human children, had known they were smarter than their lack of speech implied, but knowing hadn’t prepared him to face the proof: that he has created five tiny beings with little brains and hearts of their own, who love him, seek his approval, look to him for guidance and comfort…

“Oh,” he says tremulously, “you’re all so beautiful and smart…!”

Five snakes hiss in concern.

“Azirafather okay?”

“Thank you for thinking we’re smart,” Anthony Junior offers. “I think you’re very smart, too!”

That does it: Aziraphale breaks into sobs despite not having tear ducts to cry with. His children gather around him, hissing in concern and gently touching their noses to his.

“What’s wrong?! Are we making you sad?”

“I’m sorry, Azirafather!”

“It’s alright, kiddos.” Crowley lowers his massive body to the ground, though he’s only normal-snake-sized by the time he joins them. “You know how when you get so excited to see us, you just instantly fall asleep?”

(It had been quite alarming the first time; the children had needed to make a habit of switching to snuggling whenever their little hearts couldn’t handle all their joy.)

“Oh yes!” Aziraphale says, catching Crowley’s meaning. “That’s— that’s exactly what’s happening, only— instead of falling asleep because I’m so happy, I…”

They’re just so darling…

“Maybe you should close— oh! You don’t have your special eye covers anymore!”

“We will hide,” Joshua declares, sliding off Aziraphale’s body.

Aziraphale shakes his head, which he finds is a little harder when he’s a snake. “No, I don’t want to stop looking at you. Oh, my darlings— won’t you please tell me about yourselves?”

Scarlet gasps. “We can tell you now! Azirafather, today I saw a strange creature with so many legs—”

“Azirafather—”

“I can read a little! I’ll show you—”

Aziraphale sniffles, and suddenly Crowley is by his side, nosing at the bottom of his chin.

“You did a good job on them, Angel,” he teases gently. In response Aziraphale curls around him, listening to the chatter of their children with the attention only an angel or demon could muster as he corrects:

“We did a good job.”

**Author's Note:**

> OH I FORGOT TO MENTION the snabies passing out from joy is a misinterpretation of an unrelated study, but I loved it so much I like to use it anyway. They're so happy and love their fathers so much that their little hearts are like no this is too much work and they pass out sdkfhskdjfhkj. babies.


End file.
